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Love's Labour's Lost

Act V
Love's Labour's Lost

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Script of Act V - Love's Labour's Lost
 The play by William Shakespeare

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Script / Text of Act V - Love's Labour's Lost

ACT V
SCENE I. The same.

Enter HOLOFERNES, SIR NATHANIEL, and DULL 
ACT V
SCENE I. The same.

Enter HOLOFERNES, SIR NATHANIEL, and DULL 
HOLOFERNES 
Satis quod sufficit.

SIR NATHANIEL 
I praise God for you, sir: your reasons at dinner
have been sharp and sententious; pleasant without
scurrility, witty without affection, audacious without
impudency, learned without opinion, and strange with-
out heresy. I did converse this quondam day with
a companion of the king's, who is intituled, nomi-
nated, or called, Don Adriano de Armado.

HOLOFERNES 
Novi hominem tanquam te: his humour is lofty, his
discourse peremptory, his tongue filed, his eye
ambitious, his gait majestical, and his general
behavior vain, ridiculous, and thrasonical. He is
too picked, too spruce, too affected, too odd, as it
were, too peregrinate, as I may call it.

SIR NATHANIEL 
A most singular and choice epithet.

Draws out his table-book

HOLOFERNES 
He draweth out the thread of his verbosity finer
than the staple of his argument. I abhor such
fanatical phantasimes, such insociable and
point-devise companions; such rackers of
orthography, as to speak dout, fine, when he should
say doubt; det, when he should pronounce debt,--d,
e, b, t, not d, e, t: he clepeth a calf, cauf;
half, hauf; neighbour vocatur nebor; neigh
abbreviated ne. This is abhominable,--which he
would call abbominable: it insinuateth me of
insanie: anne intelligis, domine? to make frantic, lunatic.

SIR NATHANIEL 
Laus Deo, bene intelligo.

HOLOFERNES 
Bon, bon, fort bon, Priscian! a little scratch'd,
'twill serve.

SIR NATHANIEL 
Videsne quis venit?

HOLOFERNES 
Video, et gaudeo.

Enter DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO, MOTH, and COSTARD

DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO 
Chirrah!

To MOTH

HOLOFERNES 
Quare chirrah, not sirrah?
DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO 
Men of peace, well encountered.

HOLOFERNES 
Most military sir, salutation.

MOTH 
[Aside to COSTARD] They have been at a great feast
of languages, and stolen the scraps.

COSTARD 
O, they have lived long on the alms-basket of words.
I marvel thy master hath not eaten thee for a word;
for thou art not so long by the head as
honorificabilitudinitatibus: thou art easier
swallowed than a flap-dragon.

MOTH 
Peace! the peal begins.
DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO 
[To HOLOFERNES] Monsieur, are you not lettered?

MOTH 
Yes, yes; he teaches boys the hornbook. What is a,
b, spelt backward, with the horn on his head?

HOLOFERNES 
Ba, pueritia, with a horn added.

MOTH 
Ba, most silly sheep with a horn. You hear his learning.

HOLOFERNES 
Quis, quis, thou consonant?

MOTH 
The third of the five vowels, if you repeat them; or
the fifth, if I.

HOLOFERNES 
I will repeat them,--a, e, i,--

MOTH 
The sheep: the other two concludes it,--o, u.
DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO 
Now, by the salt wave of the Mediterraneum, a sweet
touch, a quick venue of wit! snip, snap, quick and
home! it rejoiceth my intellect: true wit!

MOTH 
Offered by a child to an old man; which is wit-old.

HOLOFERNES 
What is the figure? what is the figure?

MOTH 
Horns.

HOLOFERNES 
Thou disputest like an infant: go, whip thy gig.

MOTH 
Lend me your horn to make one, and I will whip about
your infamy circum circa,--a gig of a cuckold's horn.

COSTARD 
An I had but one penny in the world, thou shouldst
have it to buy gingerbread: hold, there is the very
remuneration I had of thy master, thou halfpenny
purse of wit, thou pigeon-egg of discretion. O, an
the heavens were so pleased that thou wert but my
bastard, what a joyful father wouldst thou make me!
Go to; thou hast it ad dunghill, at the fingers'
ends, as they say.

HOLOFERNES 
O, I smell false Latin; dunghill for unguem.
DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO 
Arts-man, preambulate, we will be singled from the
barbarous. Do you not educate youth at the
charge-house on the top of the mountain?

HOLOFERNES 
Or mons, the hill.
DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO 
At your sweet pleasure, for the mountain.

HOLOFERNES 
I do, sans question.
DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO 
Sir, it is the king's most sweet pleasure and
affection to congratulate the princess at her
pavilion in the posteriors of this day, which the
rude multitude call the afternoon.

HOLOFERNES 
The posterior of the day, most generous sir, is
liable, congruent and measurable for the afternoon:
the word is well culled, chose, sweet and apt, I do
assure you, sir, I do assure.
DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO 
Sir, the king is a noble gentleman, and my familiar,
I do assure ye, very good friend: for what is
inward between us, let it pass. I do beseech thee,
remember thy courtesy; I beseech thee, apparel thy
head: and among other important and most serious
designs, and of great import indeed, too, but let
that pass: for I must tell thee, it will please his
grace, by the world, sometime to lean upon my poor
shoulder, and with his royal finger, thus, dally
with my excrement, with my mustachio; but, sweet
heart, let that pass. By the world, I recount no
fable: some certain special honours it pleaseth his
greatness to impart to Armado, a soldier, a man of
travel, that hath seen the world; but let that pass.
The very all of all is,--but, sweet heart, I do
implore secrecy,--that the king would have me
present the princess, sweet chuck, with some
delightful ostentation, or show, or pageant, or
antique, or firework. Now, understanding that the
curate and your sweet self are good at such
eruptions and sudden breaking out of mirth, as it
were, I have acquainted you withal, to the end to
crave your assistance.

HOLOFERNES 
Sir, you shall present before her the Nine Worthies.
Sir, as concerning some entertainment of time, some
show in the posterior of this day, to be rendered by
our assistants, at the king's command, and this most
gallant, illustrate, and learned gentleman, before
the princess; I say none so fit as to present the
Nine Worthies.

SIR NATHANIEL 
Where will you find men worthy enough to present them?

HOLOFERNES 
Joshua, yourself; myself and this gallant gentleman,
Judas Maccabaeus; this swain, because of his great
limb or joint, shall pass Pompey the Great; the
page, Hercules,--
DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO 
Pardon, sir; error: he is not quantity enough for
that Worthy's thumb: he is not so big as the end of his club.

HOLOFERNES 
Shall I have audience? he shall present Hercules in
minority: his enter and exit shall be strangling a
snake; and I will have an apology for that purpose.

MOTH 
An excellent device! so, if any of the audience
hiss, you may cry 'Well done, Hercules! now thou
crushest the snake!' that is the way to make an
offence gracious, though few have the grace to do it.
DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO 
For the rest of the Worthies?--

HOLOFERNES 
I will play three myself.

MOTH 
Thrice-worthy gentleman!
DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO 
Shall I tell you a thing?

HOLOFERNES 
We attend.
DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO 
We will have, if this fadge not, an antique. I
beseech you, follow.

HOLOFERNES 
Via, goodman Dull! thou hast spoken no word all this while.

DULL 
Nor understood none neither, sir.

HOLOFERNES 
Allons! we will employ thee.

DULL 
I'll make one in a dance, or so; or I will play
On the tabour to the Worthies, and let them dance the hay.

HOLOFERNES 
Most dull, honest Dull! To our sport, away!

Exeunt

LOVE'S LABOURS LOST

SCENE II. The same.

Enter the PRINCESS, KATHARINE, ROSALINE, and MARIA 
PRINCESS 
Sweet hearts, we shall be rich ere we depart,
If fairings come thus plentifully in:
A lady wall'd about with diamonds!
Look you what I have from the loving king.

ROSALINE 
Madame, came nothing else along with that?

PRINCESS 
Nothing but this! yes, as much love in rhyme
As would be cramm'd up in a sheet of paper,
Writ o' both sides the leaf, margent and all,
That he was fain to seal on Cupid's name.

ROSALINE 
That was the way to make his godhead wax,
For he hath been five thousand years a boy.

KATHARINE 
Ay, and a shrewd unhappy gallows too.

ROSALINE 
You'll ne'er be friends with him; a' kill'd your sister.

KATHARINE 
He made her melancholy, sad, and heavy;
And so she died: had she been light, like you,
Of such a merry, nimble, stirring spirit,
She might ha' been a grandam ere she died:
And so may you; for a light heart lives long.

ROSALINE 
What's your dark meaning, mouse, of this light word?

KATHARINE 
A light condition in a beauty dark.

ROSALINE 
We need more light to find your meaning out.

KATHARINE 
You'll mar the light by taking it in snuff;
Therefore I'll darkly end the argument.

ROSALINE 
Look what you do, you do it still i' the dark.

KATHARINE 
So do not you, for you are a light wench.

ROSALINE 
Indeed I weigh not you, and therefore light.

KATHARINE 
You weigh me not? O, that's you care not for me.

ROSALINE 
Great reason; for 'past cure is still past care.'

PRINCESS 
Well bandied both; a set of wit well play'd.
But Rosaline, you have a favour too:
Who sent it? and what is it?

ROSALINE 
I would you knew:
An if my face were but as fair as yours,
My favour were as great; be witness this.
Nay, I have verses too, I thank Biron:
The numbers true; and, were the numbering too,
I were the fairest goddess on the ground:
I am compared to twenty thousand fairs.
O, he hath drawn my picture in his letter!

PRINCESS 
Any thing like?

ROSALINE 
Much in the letters; nothing in the praise.

PRINCESS 
Beauteous as ink; a good conclusion.

KATHARINE 
Fair as a text B in a copy-book.

ROSALINE 
'Ware pencils, ho! let me not die your debtor,
My red dominical, my golden letter:
O, that your face were not so full of O's!

KATHARINE 
A pox of that jest! and I beshrew all shrows.

PRINCESS 
But, Katharine, what was sent to you from fair Dumain?

KATHARINE 
Madam, this glove.

PRINCESS 
Did he not send you twain?

KATHARINE 
Yes, madam, and moreover
Some thousand verses of a faithful lover,
A huge translation of hypocrisy,
Vilely compiled, profound simplicity.

MARIA 
This and these pearls to me sent Longaville:
The letter is too long by half a mile.

PRINCESS 
I think no less. Dost thou not wish in heart
The chain were longer and the letter short?

MARIA 
Ay, or I would these hands might never part.

PRINCESS 
We are wise girls to mock our lovers so.

ROSALINE 
They are worse fools to purchase mocking so.
That same Biron I'll torture ere I go:
O that I knew he were but in by the week!
How I would make him fawn and beg and seek
And wait the season and observe the times
And spend his prodigal wits in bootless rhymes
And shape his service wholly to my hests
And make him proud to make me proud that jests!
So perttaunt-like would I o'ersway his state
That he should be my fool and I his fate.

PRINCESS 
None are so surely caught, when they are catch'd,
As wit turn'd fool: folly, in wisdom hatch'd,
Hath wisdom's warrant and the help of school
And wit's own grace to grace a learned fool.

ROSALINE 
The blood of youth burns not with such excess
As gravity's revolt to wantonness.

MARIA 
Folly in fools bears not so strong a note
As foolery in the wise, when wit doth dote;
Since all the power thereof it doth apply
To prove, by wit, worth in simplicity.

PRINCESS 
Here comes Boyet, and mirth is in his face.

Enter BOYET

BOYET 
O, I am stabb'd with laughter! Where's her grace?

PRINCESS 
Thy news Boyet?

BOYET 
Prepare, madam, prepare!
Arm, wenches, arm! encounters mounted are
Against your peace: Love doth approach disguised,
Armed in arguments; you'll be surprised:
Muster your wits; stand in your own defence;
Or hide your heads like cowards, and fly hence.

PRINCESS 
Saint Denis to Saint Cupid! What are they
That charge their breath against us? say, scout, say.

BOYET 
Under the cool shade of a sycamore
I thought to close mine eyes some half an hour;
When, lo! to interrupt my purposed rest,
Toward that shade I might behold addrest
The king and his companions: warily
I stole into a neighbour thicket by,
And overheard what you shall overhear,
That, by and by, disguised they will be here.
Their herald is a pretty knavish page,
That well by heart hath conn'd his embassage:
Action and accent did they teach him there;
'Thus must thou speak,' and 'thus thy body bear:'
And ever and anon they made a doubt
Presence majestical would put him out,
'For,' quoth the king, 'an angel shalt thou see;
Yet fear not thou, but speak audaciously.'
The boy replied, 'An angel is not evil;
I should have fear'd her had she been a devil.'
With that, all laugh'd and clapp'd him on the shoulder,
Making the bold wag by their praises bolder:
One rubb'd his elbow thus, and fleer'd and swore
A better speech was never spoke before;
Another, with his finger and his thumb,
Cried, 'Via! we will do't, come what will come;'
The third he caper'd, and cried, 'All goes well;'
The fourth turn'd on the toe, and down he fell.
With that, they all did tumble on the ground,
With such a zealous laughter, so profound,
That in this spleen ridiculous appears,
To cheque their folly, passion's solemn tears.

PRINCESS 
But what, but what, come they to visit us?

BOYET 
They do, they do: and are apparell'd thus.
Like Muscovites or Russians, as I guess.
Their purpose is to parle, to court and dance;
And every one his love-feat will advance
Unto his several mistress, which they'll know
By favours several which they did bestow.

PRINCESS 
And will they so? the gallants shall be task'd;
For, ladies, we shall every one be mask'd;
And not a man of them shall have the grace,
Despite of suit, to see a lady's face.
Hold, Rosaline, this favour thou shalt wear,
And then the king will court thee for his dear;
Hold, take thou this, my sweet, and give me thine,
So shall Biron take me for Rosaline.
And change your favours too; so shall your loves
Woo contrary, deceived by these removes.

ROSALINE 
Come on, then; wear the favours most in sight.

KATHARINE 
But in this changing what is your intent?

PRINCESS 
The effect of my intent is to cross theirs:
They do it but in mocking merriment;
And mock for mock is only my intent.
Their several counsels they unbosom shall
To loves mistook, and so be mock'd withal
Upon the next occasion that we meet,
With visages displayed, to talk and greet.

ROSALINE 
But shall we dance, if they desire to't?

PRINCESS 
No, to the death, we will not move a foot;
Nor to their penn'd speech render we no grace,
But while 'tis spoke each turn away her face.

BOYET 
Why, that contempt will kill the speaker's heart,
And quite divorce his memory from his part.

PRINCESS 
Therefore I do it; and I make no doubt
The rest will ne'er come in, if he be out
There's no such sport as sport by sport o'erthrown,
To make theirs ours and ours none but our own:
So shall we stay, mocking intended game,
And they, well mock'd, depart away with shame.

Trumpets sound within

BOYET 
The trumpet sounds: be mask'd; the maskers come.

The Ladies mask

Enter Blackamoors with music; MOTH; FERDINAND, BIRON, LONGAVILLE, and DUMAIN, in Russian habits, and masked

MOTH 
All hail, the richest beauties on the earth!--

BOYET 
Beauties no richer than rich taffeta.

MOTH 
A holy parcel of the fairest dames.

The Ladies turn their backs to him

That ever turn'd their--backs--to mortal views!

BIRON 
[Aside to MOTH] Their eyes, villain, their eyes!

MOTH 
That ever turn'd their eyes to mortal views!--Out--

BOYET 
True; out indeed.

MOTH 
Out of your favours, heavenly spirits, vouchsafe
Not to behold--

BIRON 
[Aside to MOTH] Once to behold, rogue.

MOTH 
Once to behold with your sun-beamed eyes,
--with your sun-beamed eyes--

BOYET 
They will not answer to that epithet;
You were best call it 'daughter-beamed eyes.'

MOTH 
They do not mark me, and that brings me out.

BIRON 
Is this your perfectness? be gone, you rogue!

Exit MOTH

ROSALINE 
What would these strangers? know their minds, Boyet:
If they do speak our language, 'tis our will:
That some plain man recount their purposes
Know what they would.

BOYET 
What would you with the princess?

BIRON 
Nothing but peace and gentle visitation.

ROSALINE 
What would they, say they?

BOYET 
Nothing but peace and gentle visitation.

ROSALINE 
Why, that they have; and bid them so be gone.

BOYET 
She says, you have it, and you may be gone.

FERDINAND 
Say to her, we have measured many miles
To tread a measure with her on this grass.

BOYET 
They say, that they have measured many a mile
To tread a measure with you on this grass.

ROSALINE 
It is not so. Ask them how many inches
Is in one mile: if they have measured many,
The measure then of one is easily told.

BOYET 
If to come hither you have measured miles,
And many miles, the princess bids you tell
How many inches doth fill up one mile.

BIRON 
Tell her, we measure them by weary steps.

BOYET 
She hears herself.

ROSALINE 
How many weary steps,
Of many weary miles you have o'ergone,
Are number'd in the travel of one mile?

BIRON 
We number nothing that we spend for you:
Our duty is so rich, so infinite,
That we may do it still without accompt.
Vouchsafe to show the sunshine of your face,
That we, like savages, may worship it.

ROSALINE 
My face is but a moon, and clouded too.

FERDINAND 
Blessed are clouds, to do as such clouds do!
Vouchsafe, bright moon, and these thy stars, to shine,
Those clouds removed, upon our watery eyne.

ROSALINE 
O vain petitioner! beg a greater matter;
Thou now request'st but moonshine in the water.

FERDINAND 
Then, in our measure do but vouchsafe one change.
Thou bid'st me beg: this begging is not strange.

ROSALINE 
Play, music, then! Nay, you must do it soon.

Music plays

Not yet! no dance! Thus change I like the moon.

FERDINAND 
Will you not dance? How come you thus estranged?

ROSALINE 
You took the moon at full, but now she's changed.

FERDINAND 
Yet still she is the moon, and I the man.
The music plays; vouchsafe some motion to it.

ROSALINE 
Our ears vouchsafe it.

FERDINAND 
But your legs should do it.

ROSALINE 
Since you are strangers and come here by chance,
We'll not be nice: take hands. We will not dance.

FERDINAND 
Why take we hands, then?

ROSALINE 
Only to part friends:
Curtsy, sweet hearts; and so the measure ends.

FERDINAND 
More measure of this measure; be not nice.

ROSALINE 
We can afford no more at such a price.

FERDINAND 
Prize you yourselves: what buys your company?

ROSALINE 
Your absence only.

FERDINAND 
That can never be.

ROSALINE 
Then cannot we be bought: and so, adieu;
Twice to your visor, and half once to you.

FERDINAND 
If you deny to dance, let's hold more chat.

ROSALINE 
In private, then.

FERDINAND 
I am best pleased with that.

They converse apart

BIRON 
White-handed mistress, one sweet word with thee.

PRINCESS 
Honey, and milk, and sugar; there is three.

BIRON 
Nay then, two treys, and if you grow so nice,
Metheglin, wort, and malmsey: well run, dice!
There's half-a-dozen sweets.

PRINCESS 
Seventh sweet, adieu:
Since you can cog, I'll play no more with you.

BIRON 
One word in secret.

PRINCESS 
Let it not be sweet.

BIRON 
Thou grievest my gall.

PRINCESS 
Gall! bitter.

BIRON 
Therefore meet.

They converse apart

DUMAIN 
Will you vouchsafe with me to change a word?

MARIA 
Name it.

DUMAIN 
Fair lady,--

MARIA 
Say you so? Fair lord,--
Take that for your fair lady.

DUMAIN 
Please it you,
As much in private, and I'll bid adieu.

They converse apart

KATHARINE 
What, was your vizard made without a tongue?

LONGAVILLE 
I know the reason, lady, why you ask.

KATHARINE 
O for your reason! quickly, sir; I long.

LONGAVILLE 
You have a double tongue within your mask,
And would afford my speechless vizard half.

KATHARINE 
Veal, quoth the Dutchman. Is not 'veal' a calf?

LONGAVILLE 
A calf, fair lady!

KATHARINE 
No, a fair lord calf.

LONGAVILLE 
Let's part the word.

KATHARINE 
No, I'll not be your half
Take all, and wean it; it may prove an ox.

LONGAVILLE 
Look, how you butt yourself in these sharp mocks!
Will you give horns, chaste lady? do not so.

KATHARINE 
Then die a calf, before your horns do grow.

LONGAVILLE 
One word in private with you, ere I die.

KATHARINE 
Bleat softly then; the butcher hears you cry.

They converse apart

BOYET 
The tongues of mocking wenches are as keen
As is the razor's edge invisible,
Cutting a smaller hair than may be seen,
Above the sense of sense; so sensible
Seemeth their conference; their conceits have wings
Fleeter than arrows, bullets, wind, thought, swifter things.

ROSALINE 
Not one word more, my maids; break off, break off.

BIRON 
By heaven, all dry-beaten with pure scoff!

FERDINAND 
Farewell, mad wenches; you have simple wits.

PRINCESS 
Twenty adieus, my frozen Muscovits.

Exeunt FERDINAND, Lords, and Blackamoors

Are these the breed of wits so wonder'd at?

BOYET 
Tapers they are, with your sweet breaths puff'd out.

ROSALINE 
Well-liking wits they have; gross, gross; fat, fat.

PRINCESS 
O poverty in wit, kingly-poor flout!
Will they not, think you, hang themselves tonight?
Or ever, but in vizards, show their faces?
This pert Biron was out of countenance quite.

ROSALINE 
O, they were all in lamentable cases!
The king was weeping-ripe for a good word.

PRINCESS 
Biron did swear himself out of all suit.

MARIA 
Dumain was at my service, and his sword:
No point, quoth I; my servant straight was mute.

KATHARINE 
Lord Longaville said, I came o'er his heart;
And trow you what he called me?

PRINCESS 
Qualm, perhaps.

KATHARINE 
Yes, in good faith.

PRINCESS 
Go, sickness as thou art!

ROSALINE 
Well, better wits have worn plain statute-caps.
But will you hear? the king is my love sworn.

PRINCESS 
And quick Biron hath plighted faith to me.

KATHARINE 
And Longaville was for my service born.

MARIA 
Dumain is mine, as sure as bark on tree.

BOYET 
Madam, and pretty mistresses, give ear:
Immediately they will again be here
In their own shapes; for it can never be
They will digest this harsh indignity.

PRINCESS 
Will they return?

BOYET 
They will, they will, God knows,
And leap for joy, though they are lame with blows:
Therefore change favours; and, when they repair,
Blow like sweet roses in this summer air.

PRINCESS 
How blow? how blow? speak to be understood.

BOYET 
Fair ladies mask'd are roses in their bud;
Dismask'd, their damask sweet commixture shown,
Are angels vailing clouds, or roses blown.

PRINCESS 
Avaunt, perplexity! What shall we do,
If they return in their own shapes to woo?

ROSALINE 
Good madam, if by me you'll be advised,
Let's, mock them still, as well known as disguised:
Let us complain to them what fools were here,
Disguised like Muscovites, in shapeless gear;
And wonder what they were and to what end
Their shallow shows and prologue vilely penn'd
And their rough carriage so ridiculous,
Should be presented at our tent to us.

BOYET 
Ladies, withdraw: the gallants are at hand.

PRINCESS 
Whip to our tents, as roes run o'er land.

Exeunt PRINCESS, ROSALINE, KATHARINE, and MARIA

Re-enter FERDINAND, BIRON, LONGAVILLE, and DUMAIN, in their proper habits

FERDINAND 
Fair sir, God save you! Where's the princess?

BOYET 
Gone to her tent. Please it your majesty
Command me any service to her thither?

FERDINAND 
That she vouchsafe me audience for one word.

BOYET 
I will; and so will she, I know, my lord.

Exit

BIRON 
This fellow pecks up wit as pigeons pease,
And utters it again when God doth please:
He is wit's pedler, and retails his wares
At wakes and wassails, meetings, markets, fairs;
And we that sell by gross, the Lord doth know,
Have not the grace to grace it with such show.
This gallant pins the wenches on his sleeve;
Had he been Adam, he had tempted Eve;
A' can carve too, and lisp: why, this is he
That kiss'd his hand away in courtesy;
This is the ape of form, monsieur the nice,
That, when he plays at tables, chides the dice
In honourable terms: nay, he can sing
A mean most meanly; and in ushering
Mend him who can: the ladies call him sweet;
The stairs, as he treads on them, kiss his feet:
This is the flower that smiles on every one,
To show his teeth as white as whale's bone;
And consciences, that will not die in debt,
Pay him the due of honey-tongued Boyet.

FERDINAND 
A blister on his sweet tongue, with my heart,
That put Armado's page out of his part!

BIRON 
See where it comes! Behavior, what wert thou
Till this madman show'd thee? and what art thou now?

Re-enter the PRINCESS, ushered by BOYET, ROSALINE, MARIA, and KATHARINE

FERDINAND 
All hail, sweet madam, and fair time of day!

PRINCESS 
'Fair' in 'all hail' is foul, as I conceive.

FERDINAND 
Construe my speeches better, if you may.

PRINCESS 
Then wish me better; I will give you leave.

FERDINAND 
We came to visit you, and purpose now
To lead you to our court; vouchsafe it then.

PRINCESS 
This field shall hold me; and so hold your vow:
Nor God, nor I, delights in perjured men.

FERDINAND 
Rebuke me not for that which you provoke:
The virtue of your eye must break my oath.

PRINCESS 
You nickname virtue; vice you should have spoke;
For virtue's office never breaks men's troth.
Now by my maiden honour, yet as pure
As the unsullied lily, I protest,
A world of torments though I should endure,
I would not yield to be your house's guest;
So much I hate a breaking cause to be
Of heavenly oaths, vow'd with integrity.

FERDINAND 
O, you have lived in desolation here,
Unseen, unvisited, much to our shame.

PRINCESS 
Not so, my lord; it is not so, I swear;
We have had pastimes here and pleasant game:
A mess of Russians left us but of late.

FERDINAND 
How, madam! Russians!

PRINCESS 
Ay, in truth, my lord;
Trim gallants, full of courtship and of state.

ROSALINE 
Madam, speak true. It is not so, my lord:
My lady, to the manner of the days,
In courtesy gives undeserving praise.
We four indeed confronted were with four
In Russian habit: here they stay'd an hour,
And talk'd apace; and in that hour, my lord,
They did not bless us with one happy word.
I dare not call them fools; but this I think,
When they are thirsty, fools would fain have drink.

BIRON 
This jest is dry to me. Fair gentle sweet,
Your wit makes wise things foolish: when we greet,
With eyes best seeing, heaven's fiery eye,
By light we lose light: your capacity
Is of that nature that to your huge store
Wise things seem foolish and rich things but poor.

ROSALINE 
This proves you wise and rich, for in my eye,--

BIRON 
I am a fool, and full of poverty.

ROSALINE 
But that you take what doth to you belong,
It were a fault to snatch words from my tongue.

BIRON 
O, I am yours, and all that I possess!

ROSALINE 
All the fool mine?

BIRON 
I cannot give you less.

ROSALINE 
Which of the vizards was it that you wore?

BIRON 
Where? when? what vizard? why demand you this?

ROSALINE 
There, then, that vizard; that superfluous case
That hid the worse and show'd the better face.

FERDINAND 
We are descried; they'll mock us now downright.

DUMAIN 
Let us confess and turn it to a jest.

PRINCESS 
Amazed, my lord? why looks your highness sad?

ROSALINE 
Help, hold his brows! he'll swoon! Why look you pale?
Sea-sick, I think, coming from Muscovy.

BIRON 
Thus pour the stars down plagues for perjury.
Can any face of brass hold longer out?

Here stand I 
lady, dart thy skill at me;
Bruise me with scorn, confound me with a flout;
Thrust thy sharp wit quite through my ignorance;
Cut me to pieces with thy keen conceit;
And I will wish thee never more to dance,
Nor never more in Russian habit wait.
O, never will I trust to speeches penn'd,
Nor to the motion of a schoolboy's tongue,
Nor never come in vizard to my friend,
Nor woo in rhyme, like a blind harper's song!
Taffeta phrases, silken terms precise,
Three-piled hyperboles, spruce affectation,
Figures pedantical; these summer-flies
Have blown me full of maggot ostentation:
I do forswear them; and I here protest,
By this white glove;--how white the hand, God knows!--
Henceforth my wooing mind shall be express'd
In russet yeas and honest kersey noes:
And, to begin, wench,--so God help me, la!--
My love to thee is sound, sans crack or flaw.

ROSALINE 
Sans sans, I pray you.

BIRON 
Yet I have a trick
Of the old rage: bear with me, I am sick;
I'll leave it by degrees. Soft, let us see:
Write, 'Lord have mercy on us' on those three;
They are infected; in their hearts it lies;
They have the plague, and caught it of your eyes;
These lords are visited; you are not free,
For the Lord's tokens on you do I see.

PRINCESS 
No, they are free that gave these tokens to us.

BIRON 
Our states are forfeit: seek not to undo us.

ROSALINE 
It is not so; for how can this be true,
That you stand forfeit, being those that sue?

BIRON 
Peace! for I will not have to do with you.

ROSALINE 
Nor shall not, if I do as I intend.

BIRON 
Speak for yourselves; my wit is at an end.

FERDINAND 
Teach us, sweet madam, for our rude transgression
Some fair excuse.

PRINCESS 
The fairest is confession.
Were not you here but even now disguised?

FERDINAND 
Madam, I was.

PRINCESS 
And were you well advised?

FERDINAND 
I was, fair madam.

PRINCESS 
When you then were here,
What did you whisper in your lady's ear?

FERDINAND 
That more than all the world I did respect her.

PRINCESS 
When she shall challenge this, you will reject her.

FERDINAND 
Upon mine honour, no.

PRINCESS 
Peace, peace! forbear:
Your oath once broke, you force not to forswear.

FERDINAND 
Despise me, when I break this oath of mine.

PRINCESS 
I will: and therefore keep it. Rosaline,
What did the Russian whisper in your ear?

ROSALINE 
Madam, he swore that he did hold me dear
As precious eyesight, and did value me
Above this world; adding thereto moreover
That he would wed me, or else die my lover.

PRINCESS 
God give thee joy of him! the noble lord
Most honourably doth unhold his word.

FERDINAND 
What mean you, madam? by my life, my troth,
I never swore this lady such an oath.

ROSALINE 
By heaven, you did; and to confirm it plain,
You gave me this: but take it, sir, again.

FERDINAND 
My faith and this the princess I did give:
I knew her by this jewel on her sleeve.

PRINCESS 
Pardon me, sir, this jewel did she wear;
And Lord Biron, I thank him, is my dear.
What, will you have me, or your pearl again?

BIRON 
Neither of either; I remit both twain.
I see the trick on't: here was a consent,
Knowing aforehand of our merriment,
To dash it like a Christmas comedy:
Some carry-tale, some please-man, some slight zany,
Some mumble-news, some trencher-knight, some Dick,
That smiles his cheek in years and knows the trick
To make my lady laugh when she's disposed,
Told our intents before; which once disclosed,
The ladies did change favours: and then we,
Following the signs, woo'd but the sign of she.
Now, to our perjury to add more terror,
We are again forsworn, in will and error.
Much upon this it is: and might not you

To BOYET

Forestall our sport, to make us thus untrue?
Do not you know my lady's foot by the squier,
And laugh upon the apple of her eye?
And stand between her back, sir, and the fire,
Holding a trencher, jesting merrily?
You put our page out: go, you are allow'd;
Die when you will, a smock shall be your shroud.
You leer upon me, do you? there's an eye
Wounds like a leaden sword.

BOYET 
Full merrily
Hath this brave manage, this career, been run.

BIRON 
Lo, he is tilting straight! Peace! I have done.

Enter COSTARD

Welcome, pure wit! thou partest a fair fray.

COSTARD 
O Lord, sir, they would know
Whether the three Worthies shall come in or no.

BIRON 
What, are there but three?

COSTARD 
No, sir; but it is vara fine,
For every one pursents three.

BIRON 
And three times thrice is nine.

COSTARD 
Not so, sir; under correction, sir; I hope it is not so.
You cannot beg us, sir, I can assure you, sir we know
what we know:
I hope, sir, three times thrice, sir,--

BIRON 
Is not nine.

COSTARD 
Under correction, sir, we know whereuntil it doth amount.

BIRON 
By Jove, I always took three threes for nine.

COSTARD 
O Lord, sir, it were pity you should get your living
by reckoning, sir.

BIRON 
How much is it?

COSTARD 
O Lord, sir, the parties themselves, the actors,
sir, will show whereuntil it doth amount: for mine
own part, I am, as they say, but to parfect one man
in one poor man, Pompion the Great, sir.

BIRON 
Art thou one of the Worthies?

COSTARD 
It pleased them to think me worthy of Pompion the
Great: for mine own part, I know not the degree of
the Worthy, but I am to stand for him.

BIRON 
Go, bid them prepare.

COSTARD 
We will turn it finely off, sir; we will take
some care.

Exit

FERDINAND 
Biron, they will shame us: let them not approach.

BIRON 
We are shame-proof, my lord: and tis some policy
To have one show worse than the king's and his company.

FERDINAND 
I say they shall not come.

PRINCESS 
Nay, my good lord, let me o'errule you now:
That sport best pleases that doth least know how:
Where zeal strives to content, and the contents
Dies in the zeal of that which it presents:
Their form confounded makes most form in mirth,
When great things labouring perish in their birth.

BIRON 
A right description of our sport, my lord.

Enter DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO

DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO 
Anointed, I implore so much expense of thy royal
sweet breath as will utter a brace of words.

Converses apart with FERDINAND, and delivers him a paper

PRINCESS 
Doth this man serve God?

BIRON 
Why ask you?

PRINCESS 
He speaks not like a man of God's making.
DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO 
That is all one, my fair, sweet, honey monarch; for,
I protest, the schoolmaster is exceeding
fantastical; too, too vain, too too vain: but we
will put it, as they say, to fortuna de la guerra.
I wish you the peace of mind, most royal couplement!

Exit

FERDINAND 
Here is like to be a good presence of Worthies. He
presents Hector of Troy; the swain, Pompey the
Great; the parish curate, Alexander; Armado's page,
Hercules; the pedant, Judas Maccabaeus: And if
these four Worthies in their first show thrive,
These four will change habits, and present the other five.

BIRON 
There is five in the first show.

FERDINAND 
You are deceived; 'tis not so.

BIRON 
The pedant, the braggart, the hedge-priest, the fool
and the boy:--
Abate throw at novum, and the whole world again
Cannot pick out five such, take each one in his vein.

FERDINAND 
The ship is under sail, and here she comes amain.

Enter COSTARD, for Pompey

COSTARD 
I Pompey am,--

BOYET 
You lie, you are not he.

COSTARD 
I Pompey am,--

BOYET 
With libbard's head on knee.

BIRON 
Well said, old mocker: I must needs be friends
with thee.

COSTARD 
I Pompey am, Pompey surnamed the Big--

DUMAIN 
The Great.

COSTARD 
It is, 'Great,' sir:--
Pompey surnamed the Great;
That oft in field, with targe and shield, did make
my foe to sweat:
And travelling along this coast, I here am come by chance,
And lay my arms before the legs of this sweet lass of France,
If your ladyship would say, 'Thanks, Pompey,' I had done.

PRINCESS 
Great thanks, great Pompey.

COSTARD 
'Tis not so much worth; but I hope I was perfect: I
made a little fault in 'Great.'

BIRON 
My hat to a halfpenny, Pompey proves the best Worthy.

Enter SIR NATHANIEL, for Alexander

SIR NATHANIEL 
When in the world I lived, I was the world's
commander;
By east, west, north, and south, I spread my
conquering might:
My scutcheon plain declares that I am Alisander,--

BOYET 
Your nose says, no, you are not for it stands too right.

BIRON 
Your nose smells 'no' in this, most tender-smelling knight.

PRINCESS 
The conqueror is dismay'd. Proceed, good Alexander.

SIR NATHANIEL 
When in the world I lived, I was the world's
commander,--

BOYET 
Most true, 'tis right; you were so, Alisander.

BIRON 
Pompey the Great,--

COSTARD 
Your servant, and Costard.

BIRON 
Take away the conqueror, take away Alisander.

COSTARD 
[To SIR NATHANIEL] O, sir, you have overthrown
Alisander the conqueror! You will be scraped out of
the painted cloth for this: your lion, that holds
his poll-axe sitting on a close-stool, will be given
to Ajax: he will be the ninth Worthy. A conqueror,
and afeard to speak! run away for shame, Alisander.

SIR NATHANIEL retires

There, an't shall please you; a foolish mild man; an
honest man, look you, and soon dashed. He is a
marvellous good neighbour, faith, and a very good
bowler: but, for Alisander,--alas, you see how
'tis,--a little o'erparted. But there are Worthies
a-coming will speak their mind in some other sort.

Enter HOLOFERNES, for Judas; and MOTH, for Hercules

HOLOFERNES 
Great Hercules is presented by this imp,
Whose club kill'd Cerberus, that three-headed canis;
And when he was a babe, a child, a shrimp,
Thus did he strangle serpents in his manus.
Quoniam he seemeth in minority,
Ergo I come with this apology.
Keep some state in thy exit, and vanish.

MOTH retires

Judas I am,--

DUMAIN 
A Judas!

HOLOFERNES 
Not Iscariot, sir.
Judas I am, ycliped Maccabaeus.

DUMAIN 
Judas Maccabaeus clipt is plain Judas.

BIRON 
A kissing traitor. How art thou proved Judas?

HOLOFERNES 
Judas I am,--

DUMAIN 
The more shame for you, Judas.

HOLOFERNES 
What mean you, sir?

BOYET 
To make Judas hang himself.

HOLOFERNES 
Begin, sir; you are my elder.

BIRON 
Well followed: Judas was hanged on an elder.

HOLOFERNES 
I will not be put out of countenance.

BIRON 
Because thou hast no face.

HOLOFERNES 
What is this?

BOYET 
A cittern-head.

DUMAIN 
The head of a bodkin.

BIRON 
A Death's face in a ring.

LONGAVILLE 
The face of an old Roman coin, scarce seen.

BOYET 
The pommel of Caesar's falchion.

DUMAIN 
The carved-bone face on a flask.

BIRON 
Saint George's half-cheek in a brooch.

DUMAIN 
Ay, and in a brooch of lead.

BIRON 
Ay, and worn in the cap of a tooth-drawer.
And now forward; for we have put thee in countenance.

HOLOFERNES 
You have put me out of countenance.

BIRON 
False; we have given thee faces.

HOLOFERNES 
But you have out-faced them all.

BIRON 
An thou wert a lion, we would do so.

BOYET 
Therefore, as he is an ass, let him go.
And so adieu, sweet Jude! nay, why dost thou stay?

DUMAIN 
For the latter end of his name.

BIRON 
For the ass to the Jude; give it him:--Jud-as, away!

HOLOFERNES 
This is not generous, not gentle, not humble.

BOYET 
A light for Monsieur Judas! it grows dark, he may stumble.

HOLOFERNES retires

PRINCESS 
Alas, poor Maccabaeus, how hath he been baited!

Enter DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO, for Hector

BIRON 
Hide thy head, Achilles: here comes Hector in arms.

DUMAIN 
Though my mocks come home by me, I will now be merry.

FERDINAND 
Hector was but a Troyan in respect of this.

BOYET 
But is this Hector?

FERDINAND 
I think Hector was not so clean-timbered.

LONGAVILLE 
His leg is too big for Hector's.

DUMAIN 
More calf, certain.

BOYET 
No; he is best endued in the small.

BIRON 
This cannot be Hector.

DUMAIN 
He's a god or a painter; for he makes faces.
DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO 
The armipotent Mars, of lances the almighty,
Gave Hector a gift,--

DUMAIN 
A gilt nutmeg.

BIRON 
A lemon.

LONGAVILLE 
Stuck with cloves.

DUMAIN 
No, cloven.
DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO 
Peace!--
The armipotent Mars, of lances the almighty
Gave Hector a gift, the heir of Ilion;
A man so breathed, that certain he would fight; yea
From morn till night, out of his pavilion.
I am that flower,--

DUMAIN 
That mint.

LONGAVILLE 
That columbine.
DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO 
Sweet Lord Longaville, rein thy tongue.

LONGAVILLE 
I must rather give it the rein, for it runs against Hector.

DUMAIN 
Ay, and Hector's a greyhound.
DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO 
The sweet war-man is dead and rotten; sweet chucks,
beat not the bones of the buried: when he breathed,
he was a man. But I will forward with my device.

To the PRINCESS

Sweet royalty, bestow on me the sense of hearing.

PRINCESS 
Speak, brave Hector: we are much delighted.
DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO 
I do adore thy sweet grace's slipper.

BOYET 
[Aside to DUMAIN] Loves her by the foot,--

DUMAIN 
[Aside to BOYET] He may not by the yard.
DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO 
This Hector far surmounted Hannibal,--

COSTARD 
The party is gone, fellow Hector, she is gone; she
is two months on her way.
DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO 
What meanest thou?

COSTARD 
Faith, unless you play the honest Troyan, the poor
wench is cast away: she's quick; the child brags in
her belly already: tis yours.
DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO 
Dost thou infamonize me among potentates? thou shalt
die.

COSTARD 
Then shall Hector be whipped for Jaquenetta that is
quick by him and hanged for Pompey that is dead by
him.

DUMAIN 
Most rare Pompey!

BOYET 
Renowned Pompey!

BIRON 
Greater than great, great, great, great Pompey!
Pompey the Huge!

DUMAIN 
Hector trembles.

BIRON 
Pompey is moved. More Ates, more Ates! stir them
on! stir them on!

DUMAIN 
Hector will challenge him.

BIRON 
Ay, if a' have no man's blood in's belly than will
sup a flea.
DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO 
By the north pole, I do challenge thee.

COSTARD 
I will not fight with a pole, like a northern man:
I'll slash; I'll do it by the sword. I bepray you,
let me borrow my arms again.

DUMAIN 
Room for the incensed Worthies!

COSTARD 
I'll do it in my shirt.

DUMAIN 
Most resolute Pompey!

MOTH 
Master, let me take you a buttonhole lower. Do you
not see Pompey is uncasing for the combat? What mean
you? You will lose your reputation.
DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO 
Gentlemen and soldiers, pardon me; I will not combat
in my shirt.

DUMAIN 
You may not deny it: Pompey hath made the challenge.
DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO 
Sweet bloods, I both may and will.

BIRON 
What reason have you for't?
DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO 
The naked truth of it is, I have no shirt; I go
woolward for penance.

BOYET 
True, and it was enjoined him in Rome for want of
linen: since when, I'll be sworn, he wore none but
a dishclout of Jaquenetta's, and that a' wears next
his heart for a favour.

Enter MERCADE

MERCADE 
God save you, madam!

PRINCESS 
Welcome, Mercade;
But that thou interrupt'st our merriment.

MERCADE 
I am sorry, madam; for the news I bring
Is heavy in my tongue. The king your father--

PRINCESS 
Dead, for my life!

MERCADE 
Even so; my tale is told.

BIRON 
Worthies, away! the scene begins to cloud.
DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO 
For mine own part, I breathe free breath. I have
seen the day of wrong through the little hole of
discretion, and I will right myself like a soldier.

Exeunt Worthies

FERDINAND 
How fares your majesty?

PRINCESS 
Boyet, prepare; I will away tonight.

FERDINAND 
Madam, not so; I do beseech you, stay.

PRINCESS 
Prepare, I say. I thank you, gracious lords,
For all your fair endeavors; and entreat,
Out of a new-sad soul, that you vouchsafe
In your rich wisdom to excuse or hide
The liberal opposition of our spirits,
If over-boldly we have borne ourselves
In the converse of breath: your gentleness
Was guilty of it. Farewell worthy lord!
A heavy heart bears not a nimble tongue:
Excuse me so, coming too short of thanks
For my great suit so easily obtain'd.

FERDINAND 
The extreme parts of time extremely forms
All causes to the purpose of his speed,
And often at his very loose decides
That which long process could not arbitrate:
And though the mourning brow of progeny
Forbid the smiling courtesy of love
The holy suit which fain it would convince,
Yet, since love's argument was first on foot,
Let not the cloud of sorrow justle it
From what it purposed; since, to wail friends lost
Is not by much so wholesome-profitable
As to rejoice at friends but newly found.

PRINCESS 
I understand you not: my griefs are double.

BIRON 
Honest plain words best pierce the ear of grief;
And by these badges understand the king.
For your fair sakes have we neglected time,
Play'd foul play with our oaths: your beauty, ladies,
Hath much deform'd us, fashioning our humours
Even to the opposed end of our intents:
And what in us hath seem'd ridiculous,--
As love is full of unbefitting strains,
All wanton as a child, skipping and vain,
Form'd by the eye and therefore, like the eye,
Full of strange shapes, of habits and of forms,
Varying in subjects as the eye doth roll
To every varied object in his glance:
Which parti-coated presence of loose love
Put on by us, if, in your heavenly eyes,
Have misbecomed our oaths and gravities,
Those heavenly eyes, that look into these faults,
Suggested us to make. Therefore, ladies,
Our love being yours, the error that love makes
Is likewise yours: we to ourselves prove false,
By being once false for ever to be true
To those that make us both,--fair ladies, you:
And even that falsehood, in itself a sin,
Thus purifies itself and turns to grace.

PRINCESS 
We have received your letters full of love;
Your favours, the ambassadors of love;
And, in our maiden council, rated them
At courtship, pleasant jest and courtesy,
As bombast and as lining to the time:
But more devout than this in our respects
Have we not been; and therefore met your loves
In their own fashion, like a merriment.

DUMAIN 
Our letters, madam, show'd much more than jest.

LONGAVILLE 
So did our looks.

ROSALINE 
We did not quote them so.

FERDINAND 
Now, at the latest minute of the hour,
Grant us your loves.

PRINCESS 
A time, methinks, too short
To make a world-without-end bargain in.
No, no, my lord, your grace is perjured much,
Full of dear guiltiness; and therefore this:
If for my love, as there is no such cause,
You will do aught, this shall you do for me:
Your oath I will not trust; but go with speed
To some forlorn and naked hermitage,
Remote from all the pleasures of the world;
There stay until the twelve celestial signs
Have brought about the annual reckoning.
If this austere insociable life
Change not your offer made in heat of blood;
If frosts and fasts, hard lodging and thin weeds
Nip not the gaudy blossoms of your love,
But that it bear this trial and last love;
Then, at the expiration of the year,
Come challenge me, challenge me by these deserts,
And, by this virgin palm now kissing thine
I will be thine; and till that instant shut
My woeful self up in a mourning house,
Raining the tears of lamentation
For the remembrance of my father's death.
If this thou do deny, let our hands part,
Neither entitled in the other's heart.

FERDINAND 
If this, or more than this, I would deny,
To flatter up these powers of mine with rest,
The sudden hand of death close up mine eye!
Hence ever then my heart is in thy breast.

DUMAIN 
But what to me, my love? but what to me? A wife?

KATHARINE 
A beard, fair health, and honesty;
With three-fold love I wish you all these three.

DUMAIN 
O, shall I say, I thank you, gentle wife?

KATHARINE 
Not so, my lord; a twelvemonth and a day
I'll mark no words that smooth-faced wooers say:
Come when the king doth to my lady come;
Then, if I have much love, I'll give you some.

DUMAIN 
I'll serve thee true and faithfully till then.

KATHARINE 
Yet swear not, lest ye be forsworn again.

LONGAVILLE 
What says Maria?

MARIA 
At the twelvemonth's end
I'll change my black gown for a faithful friend.

LONGAVILLE 
I'll stay with patience; but the time is long.

MARIA 
The liker you; few taller are so young.

BIRON 
Studies my lady? mistress, look on me;
Behold the window of my heart, mine eye,
What humble suit attends thy answer there:
Impose some service on me for thy love.

ROSALINE 
Oft have I heard of you, my Lord Biron,
Before I saw you; and the world's large tongue
Proclaims you for a man replete with mocks,
Full of comparisons and wounding flouts,
Which you on all estates will execute
That lie within the mercy of your wit.
To weed this wormwood from your fruitful brain,
And therewithal to win me, if you please,
Without the which I am not to be won,
You shall this twelvemonth term from day to day
Visit the speechless sick and still converse
With groaning wretches; and your task shall be,
With all the fierce endeavor of your wit
To enforce the pained impotent to smile.

BIRON 
To move wild laughter in the throat of death?
It cannot be; it is impossible:
Mirth cannot move a soul in agony.

ROSALINE 
Why, that's the way to choke a gibing spirit,
Whose influence is begot of that loose grace
Which shallow laughing hearers give to fools:
A jest's prosperity lies in the ear
Of him that hears it, never in the tongue
Of him that makes it: then, if sickly ears,
Deaf'd with the clamours of their own dear groans,
Will hear your idle scorns, continue then,
And I will have you and that fault withal;
But if they will not, throw away that spirit,
And I shall find you empty of that fault,
Right joyful of your reformation.

BIRON 
A twelvemonth! well; befall what will befall,
I'll jest a twelvemonth in an hospital.

PRINCESS 
[To FERDINAND] Ay, sweet my lord; and so I take my leave.

FERDINAND 
No, madam; we will bring you on your way.

BIRON 
Our wooing doth not end like an old play;
Jack hath not Jill: these ladies' courtesy
Might well have made our sport a comedy.

FERDINAND 
Come, sir, it wants a twelvemonth and a day,
And then 'twill end.

BIRON 
That's too long for a play.

Re-enter DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO

DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO 
Sweet majesty, vouchsafe me,--

PRINCESS 
Was not that Hector?

DUMAIN 
The worthy knight of Troy.
DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO 
I will kiss thy royal finger, and take leave. I am
a votary; I have vowed to Jaquenetta to hold the
plough for her sweet love three years. But, most
esteemed greatness, will you hear the dialogue that
the two learned men have compiled in praise of the
owl and the cuckoo? It should have followed in the
end of our show.

FERDINAND 
Call them forth quickly; we will do so.
DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO 
Holla! approach.

Re-enter HOLOFERNES, SIR NATHANIEL, MOTH, COSTARD, and others

This side is Hiems, Winter, this Ver, the Spring;
the one maintained by the owl, the other by the
cuckoo. Ver, begin.

THE SONG

SPRING.
When daisies pied and violets blue
And lady-smocks all silver-white
And cuckoo-buds of yellow hue
Do paint the meadows with delight,
The cuckoo then, on every tree,
Mocks married men; for thus sings he, Cuckoo;
Cuckoo, cuckoo: O word of fear,
Unpleasing to a married ear!
When shepherds pipe on oaten straws
And merry larks are ploughmen's clocks,
When turtles tread, and rooks, and daws,
And maidens bleach their summer smocks
The cuckoo then, on every tree,
Mocks married men; for thus sings he, Cuckoo;
Cuckoo, cuckoo: O word of fear,
Unpleasing to a married ear!
WINTER.
When icicles hang by the wall
And Dick the shepherd blows his nail
And Tom bears logs into the hall
And milk comes frozen home in pail,
When blood is nipp'd and ways be foul,
Then nightly sings the staring owl, Tu-whit;
Tu-who, a merry note,
While greasy Joan doth keel the pot.
When all aloud the wind doth blow
And coughing drowns the parson's saw
And birds sit brooding in the snow
And Marian's nose looks red and raw,
When roasted crabs hiss in the bowl,
Then nightly sings the staring owl, Tu-whit;
Tu-who, a merry note,
While greasy Joan doth keel the pot.
DON

ADRIANO DE ARMADO 
The words of Mercury are harsh after the songs of
Apollo. You that way: we this way.

Exeunt

 

Script of Act V - Love's Labour's Lost by William Shakespeare
Personae 

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